"not on the hurt, the past or the shame that you have turned over control of, but on the "prize" the "goal" the future that I promised you"- God
I put some things on the altar yesterday, things I have never told a single soul about. No one, never even talked to God about it, let alone my husband or mother, NO ONE. As I was kneeling there, a woman touched my head, and knelt to her knees, and wrapped her arms around me, and she told me all about how God wanted me to know that He heard me, and revealed to her, just enough to know what she needed to pray for. And I cried, so long, and so hard, and for the first time, really really really did let go. I wouldn't be sharing this on here, but that I hope that someone else can benefit from it as well.
Then that night, I felt so empty, though God promised to give all that was stolen from me back, ten fold, so I went forward, again, this time for filling. No one said anything, but I was pretty sure I was levitating, at least in Spirit. I didn't fall, but my arms were lifted so high, and my eyes open, not closed, and I thought, if I look down, I will see space between my feet and the ground!
But, then, today, the battle was on yet again. Only this time, I learned something. Where the focus of my thoughts are, there is my heart. How can God give me a miracle, if all I do is focus on the hurt, or go over past conversations, or past things done to me? How can He, or anyone else, show me love when I wallow in the hate and pain? So, I did what I have always done, rebuked Satan as a liar in Jesus Name. BUT, it didn't work, something was missing, I mean I used scripture, I prayed, I cried, but I still thought about the hurt, UNTIL, I opened my mouth and started singing. I switched to TRUE praise. Not just "I love you Lord, you are Great, ok when do I stop hurting?" But, simply, "hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...." until more praises came out, and my focus changed. And that's when it hit me, the battle has been won, the miracle is there, waiting, but I am not looking at it, I am looking at the past, thinking I have to still fight. Man, here goes another lesson! So, I have to turn around, turn my back on all that crud, since I said I gave it to God, why am I still looking at it? No, turn around and run Run RUN toward the goal, eyes focused, asking God, "what do You want me to do next, that will get me closer to that which You promised?"